Forgiveness doesn’t equal absolution. Forgiveness is for you and is about breaking the negative emotional chains that bind you to your ex-narcissist. Absolution is for the benefit of the wrongdoer and wipes the slate clean and its purpose is to pave the way for a fresh start. That is only deserved by those who are truly remorseful for the harm they’ve caused and a narcissist is not that person. The narcissist may be sorry they lost you but they’re not sorry for how they damaged you. They’re only sorry for themselves.
Some narcissists and those with full-blown personality disorders operate with malicious intent and take delight in ruining the holidays. Others simply don’t care who they hurt.
But what about the others? The ones we experience as “not all bad”? There are many who fall on the narcissistic spectrum (and even more who do not meet the criteria but who are narcissistically wounded) who may also wreak havoc because of their inability to manage their negative emotions at this time of year. They are wounded children in adult bodies, and unlikely to have any insight into their sabotage of the holidays. They believe the chaos they’re creating is something that’s happening to them.